Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Flaws, Facts, and how to be okay with them

I've recently been asked what my biggest flaw is from my personal opinion. While I'm tempted to say it's my temper, or my lack of being able to keep my mouth shut. My boyfriend would tell me it's the fact that I over-think absolutely everything. However, I do think I have one flaw that has been with me my entire life, and I'm probably not alone in having it:

I care too much.

No, not in the "I should really stop paying my hard earn cash to those infomercials about dying puppies" kind of caring too much, but in the type of caring that gets us all in trouble.

I'm talking about how we care too much what other people think. It's the problem we have where we actually care how we're perceived to others. Sometimes this blocks our ability to see that someone may or may not be giving as much thought to something as we are.

I've spent my entire life trying to make everyone else happy, and it's time to put that much effort into myself.

Worrying so much about trivial matters is not good for your well being. It make us susceptible to becoming someone's punching bag...which is worse when you're the one doing the punching. Today, we find a cure. Today I'm choosing to blog about the cold hard truth. There's three unfortunate facts that can be dealt with if one cares to try.

Have you every wondered if someone is talking behind your back? Has the thought crossed your mind if your friends will approve of your most recent crush? Has avoiding someone become your way of coping with problems? I'm here to tell you, and myself, that it's time to admit the facts, and take them in stride.

It’s time to stop being our own personal punching bags.
Fact #1: People will always be there to judge you.

Yes! It's happening. Right now. There are people out there who simply don't like you. Guess what? There's nothing you can do about it. No amount of prodding and coercing to things that they like will change their mind. It comes down to respect. Unfortunately, if you have the respect for yourself and can draw the line at something you will or will not do, people may not like this.

So what?
Fact #2: Not everyone has to like you.

It's a crazy thought, I know, but it's something that even I have to get used to. Some people may judge you, and some may not even know you exist...but that's the beauty of it all.

Check this out, when people don't like you nothing actually happens. Your world will not crumble, your life will not end at a stand still, and you won't actually feel people breathing down your neck. Revenge is a life well lived? True, but not completely. A life well lived is great, but cannot happen if you're so worried about other people.

Accept it, and move on.
Fact #3: It's the people who are there during the hard times that matter.
So we've all admitted by not that most people in the world are barely aware that you wake up every morning and put your pants on one leg at a time, exactly like they do. I think we've also realized that there are an obscenely small minority of people who dislike you and, lets be honest, they don't actually matter. Sweet. Now let's understand and trust that the people who do care, are the ones that deserve your time and effort. Only them.

People are weird. Relationships are weirder. It's like we always prefer to impress and charm those trying to enter our lives, than to work with the ones who are already there. This includes friendships, family, significant others, all relationships.

The problem, and the answer, is that these people who are already in your life are the ones that matter. These people are the ones who care about you and make you laugh or at the very least, comfortable. You've shared things with them. Hopefully none have lost your trust. If these people do, somehow, still have your trust, focus on them.

They are important. They love you.

In the end...

If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will end up living a life you aren’t interested in.

 No worries, we've all been there. I of all people truly understand. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. Even the most successful and happy people in the world have less than perfect lives. If they can get past these problems, we can too.

Take back your self respect. Do it today– try it right now. Wear something ugly. Do something stupid. Tell someone the truth.

Who cares what they have to say about it?


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

How do you Define Yourself?

This is one of those videos that I think everyone should watch. Just take 15 minutes out of your life and REALLY listen to what she has to say. The thumbnail may startle some, as she looks extremely skinny...but anyone who has visited my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/marykillman) will see that I've posted this link before. I think it's time I (and others) actually paid it some attention!

This woman has a rare disease that causes her to not be able to gain weight. She mentions in the video how she's never weighed more than 64 pounds in her lifetime. How crazy is that? While it sounds like every girls dream now-a-days to be able to eat anything and everything and not gain an ounce, it's a very dangerous thing. However, as Lisa speaks about her illness, she also brings other things to mind such as what TRULY defines who you are as a person.

What defines you? Who are you really? Are you grouped together with other people because of the color of your skin?
Your hairstyle?
Your clothing?
Your weight?
Your friends?
What about a disability?
Don't even get me started on religion.

So what has caused me to think about these things? Why has this video had so much of an impact on me?
Because as a synchronized swimmer, an Olympic synchronized swimmer, weight is a big deal. We are, to a point, literally judged on what we look like. It's as if we're super models with judges on either side of the runway...or the pool.

Model World: It doesn't matter how pretty the shoes are if you can't walk in them.
Synchro World: It doesn't matter how hard the routine is if you can't swim it.

Model World: Your fellow model just tripped over you? Keep going and Smile anyways.
Synchro World: Your teammate just kicked your nose clip off? Keep going and Smile anyways.

Model World: The body makes the gown look good.
Synchro World: The body makes the suit look good.

How oddly similar. But is that really what it's all about? Are we really just a bag of skin, muscle and bones that is, hopefully, nice to look at? Who are we really? What are we really? As athletes, we are the prime. We are the prime example of what others wish they could be. Yet, even we are not good enough.

That's where confidence sneaks in. Say it with me: I am confident. I am beautiful. I believe in myself.

Sure, maybe you need to whiten your teeth or loose those last few pounds...but until you believe you are working hard, and doing your best, then forward movement has stopped. Until you realize that you are you are a unique human being and that has been put here to do something extraordinary...you are your worst critic. Once you're happy, an entirely new world will open to you. It's taken me year to figure this out. I found this quote on pinterest recently, and you know those times when you feel like something was MADE for you? Yeah. This is it. Thanks Lindenwood. :)

No truer words than these are needed right now.
Work for a Goal. Be happy. Be true to yourself.

So who are we? Who are you?